departures

When he lectures he reminds me a lot of William Hurt in the Village. “Power. Is what deTERmines. The RATE. Of ATP SYNthesis.” (with fist in air). Sounds a lot like, “…and THAT. In the END. Is what we protected here.” Very preachyish.

After class a boy turns around and asks for my notes. He has been sick. So has missed the first to days of class. Yeah, sure I say… just email me next week. He says okay like it is a normal thing. Then he goes on to complain about another course he is taking (guess he wasn’t too sick for that one?) and is going to be difficult so he will spend most of his time working on that. I tell him he should read the course syllabus on-line because this course also involves much work. “Well, I am interested in starting up a study group, if you want.” “Huh? Oh. I am the TA.” “Oh, whoops sorry.” He walked away. He was saying normal things a student says to a TA so I only just assumed. Then I realized, if I really was a student in the class I would already be really annoyed with that kid and no, I do not want to study with your whiney ass.

At the airport I saw the boy who works in the lab down the hall to whom I, of course never talk. I say Hi and we small talk and he says, you are a graduate student? and I feel like he should already know that because I have seen him so many times. I asked where is he going and so does he and then I left. Why didn’t I ask him why? Or for how long? Or his name? Why am I so retarded?

“Are you saying,” he asked slowly, “that I rose in your estimation when you found that I wanted you?”
“Of course.”
“That’s not the reaction of most people of being wanted.”
“It isn’t.”
“Most people feel that they rise in their own eyes, if others want them.”
“I feel that others live up to me, if they want me. And that is the way you feel, too, Hank, about yourself – whether you admit it or not.”

The brilliance of Ayn Rand. Love it!