I hate hate

While he was getting gas I was watching traffic go through the alley... we were pretty close. One guy in a green SUV stopped by a cute little house in the alley. The door was open and through the screen I could see the cuteness inside where a lady was moving about maybe doing housework or something. Before the guy gets out of his suv another car pulls up behind him. This car has two boys around 35 years old. (I know I should not call them boys - I just cannot stop it.) They driver starts honking and shouting immediately because the suv is now blocking the alley. The guy steps out, looks at the boy, raises his right index finger and says, "just one sec" and runs inside. Big deal? I certainly think not. The boys have a very different view on this than I do. Next I hear, as the man runs inside. "Come on, fucker! You can't park right there. Fucker!" and so forth. Once the guy was inside he grabbed something from the woman inside maybe doing housework and then went immediately back to his suv. The honking and screaming never ceased. I wanted to shout at them and ask them why. I wanted to go to the suv man and hold his hand and say, they are just jerks, they would do the same thing and then ask how he feels about the weather in a really obnoxious way so that the guys would have to wait even longer until they got super frustrated and just left. I did nothing. I always do nothing. The boys in the car were held up no more than 2 minutes and I doubt 2 minutes could ruin a day but I think that being called a fucker for 2 minutes could crush a person. From now on I vow to do something. Something not too mean.

She asked me if I wanted to watch a movie. I did. I should have worked but I really wanted to see that movie for a while now. I thought it was going to be a documentary for some reason, but it wasn't. It was based on a true story though. It mad me sad. It made me feel helpless and selfish and ignorant. I was grateful there are people like him in the world. Unassuming people who will step up when absolutely necessary even if you would not have thought he the type. He probably wouldn't have thought his employee would take such advantage of the situation and use his good against him. I liked his hotel. It was a scarey situation but the kids danced when there were no machettes and he made his wife feel special and was looking out for family first and everyone else second. It was love and consideration. I should have known this before. When they were loading up the europeans to escape the danger and refusing rwandans I asked her if she would leave. She said yes because she would be so scared. She asked me is I would leave and I said no. I couldn't. I couldn't possibly consider my life more important or put myself in a situation where I have the advantage because of the color of my skin or my race. I would stay and suffer with the rest of them. It is a painful world. I hope when I said it she did not think I was better than her. Truth is no one knows what they will do until they really are there. I do not understand why people would be proud to be responsible for the hundreds of bodies covering the road they drove over on the way back to the hotel after getting food for the hotel guests.

It hurts.