on girls, part one

Raising girls is difficult. And a little scary.

I find it terribly sad that from an early age, girls feel like they need to compete with other girls. Instead of empowering them, feeling pride for their accomplishments, they thrive on beating them down, using them as a measure of their own self-worth. Lifted up only by bringing another down. I learned the game early on and chose not to be much a part of it. The backstabbing, the lying, the faking; I knew it all well. I was aware as it was happening and I sometimes played along. What else is there to do when that is all you have and all you know? I knew my friends were not true friends, I would fall for their sincerity at times, not out of naivety, but because there was nothing really else to do. Of all those I have ever called a "friend" there is a very small handful that have lived up to what a real friend should be. How then can one develop real trust?

I listened to Maria's girl drama in elementary school and it has only escalated in middle school. I try so hard to give her the right advice. To tell her not to gossip about one friend while with another - it will always get back to them and you will always be the jerk. But she does it anyway. To tell her that friends that act like that are not true friends and she should focus her energy on finding someone better. But she keeps trying and keeps suffering. Girls shouldn't make other girls cry. The only thing I really can do is soothe her when she cries. Encourage her to make good decisions. Break the mean girl cycle. But she is just as nasty. She has probably sent girls home crying, as well. This is not worth it.

For me, unfortunately, this girl journey has just begun. I know I cannot shelter Elli so much that she does not come home crying about what a supposed friend has done. I wish I could. I would do anything to protect her from that kind of pain, if it would work. What I must do is be someone she can always count on. Someone she can always come to when the world becomes confusing and cruel. Someone who sets a good example, who supports rather than competes. I hope she does not reciprocate the poor behavior of others. I hope she knows she is better than that.