stability is my favorite

Sometimes I wonder if my husband sleeps at night or if he is up plotting additional ways to make my life more difficult. I wasn't thrilled I settled down in the inland empire of California but I had accepted that it was my life and was fully prepared to retire there in villa valencia, with a collection of HOA infraction letters. Then, I was offered a chance to stay home with the kids at the expense of moving deeper into the desert. I do not think a desert is a suitable place for any human being to settle but I agreed because it was painful saying goodbye every morning. Then! he takes a job across the county; upstate New York! Now I can be a stay at home mom in four seasons - even better! We have a rough start, renting for the first four months in someone else's home. When you have a four year old and a crazy almost-two-year-old, the last place you want to be is in a house with someone else's knick knacks. Like, the LAST place!! And I have difficulties seeing the light at ends of tunnels, sometimes. BUT, we found a home, with a yard, with a basement, with space for every body. Now, I was agreeing to share this space with the eldest until she finished college. Ok. I can deal. Deep breaths. What's another 5 years of misery? (Except it was more like there was no light at the end of the tunnel, because it's me we are talking about.)

Just as we settle in, get accustomed to the new place, start a new school, make new friends, love our neighbors, someone decides, oh never mind, let's move back to California! So he's there, we're here and everyone's like, Hey, I thought you were moving. And I'm like, yeah, I am. Eventually. I think.

It's just a mess. We are a huge mess.

Anyway, my ass is going back to the burning state of California, land of little water, land of dirty air, land of lanes and lanes and miles and miles of traffic. Oh the song! California, here I come, right back where I started from. Isn't that the fucking truth.

So what's next for me? Probably what Venci is plotting at night... I move back to California, go back to work, and rental after rental until we finally become stable enough to buy a home, and just when I finally stop dreaming of my snowy yard at Christmastime, and the deer, and the hammock and the children playing, my husband will decide we need to pick up and move to Bulgaria. Fast forward several years when I finally have my first small-talk conversation with a native Bulgarian and they understood a few words, Venci will find a deal online for a program in Antarctica where they pay you $5,000 per year to study the effects of living off penguins and baby seals. He will send us there while he makes arrangements to move back to southern California where he switches careers and starts from the bottom. We will continue to club baby seals for dinner until he gets established and can afford us.